the legacy of being told who to be lives on. Even in the boldest of us, it takes time and intention to shed a lifetime of shoulds. But each time we choose to pick up an ounce of permission to choose and change, we find a new sense of freedom to unbecome what we are supposed to be and to start becoming who we really are.
When did you get so serious? Don't you remember how we used to run and skip and cartwheel EVERYWHERE? Getting places used to be fun!
It was so good to be reminded to go back to basics - to know who I am and to know what I do. And honestly, this is step one for all of us when we're making anything, creating anything, changing anything, birthing anything.
These are the things I was conditioned to believe about being a woman from my family of origin, my faith tradition, and my culture.
Over there where I'm perfect and beautiful and sure and people know who I am feels exhausting. And yet so much of me seems to grasp for it, until I stop thinking and yearning for a there and love the soft, warm, roundness of here with all its imperfections and anonymity.
The difference between cultural success drivers and a North Star is that when you reach it, you actually feel like you came home. And honestly, I think we're all just trying to find our way home.
Wholeness is not the pursuit of more, not in the way we’re taught. It is the process of less – of letting go. When you start unbecoming, you have to lose. You have to lose the stuff that props up your ego, the rules you lived by in order to do well in an old system of succeeding and belonging. You somehow have to lose your life to gain it.
It is the story of a 40-something who is finally learning to love herself enough to go through the process of becoming and unbecoming. I have spent a long time trying to become - as a mum and wife, as a daughter, a Christian, in my work as a teacher, a coach, a writer. I tried to become someone good enough, impactful enough, fancy and established enough... I have sought and sought to be enough for so so long.